New Hobby Alert

Just thought I'd update you with what i'm doing lately when not sleeping or laying in bed trying to sleep, because, as I've said before, why have a blog if you can't talk about your interests as if people actually cared. Unless you don't actually have a blog, your friend does, and then makes you write for it and then adjusts the formatting and removes your references to sodomy.

Anyway, getting back on track, my interest in lists and all things census-related has brought me to to trying to figure out Google data, and while I haven't really found what I'm looking for, Webtrends is a decent approximation for now. It's an easy way to browse search terms that have spiked recently. Today's search terms are pretty lame, due to the dumb Boston/World Series thing, though the inner high-schooler in me grudgingly moved her finger and clicked on cheerleader trampled, original pledge of allegiance, and dropout factories.

Yesterday was a winner with anarchic hand syndrome, patricide, and shipoopi all making it to the top 5.

On an awkwardly personal note, my grumpiness subsided with subsequent refill of psychotropics, thanks for asking.

Again, I Hate Titles

I've been meaning to post for a while but have also been in a terrible mood, and wanted to shield you from all that. But after shouting like a million obscenities at my printer (my roommate's printer - all my stuff is actually my roommate's), I figure I may as well take it public and list some things I hate:

1. That sound babies make when they're unhappy. You know that sound, it's like a mix between a squeal and a shriek and it's impossible to ignore.

2. Cockroaches. I've told you about my cockroach phobia and where it come from, and if I haven't you can ask someone else. It involves a foam mattress, a bottle of raid, some pot and the most roach infested apartment in history. In Sydney, obviously.

3. Sydney, Australia. For sucking when it claims to be so good.

4. Those people who stop in front of you when you are trying to walk on the sidewalk.

5. Boston accents. Actually, everything about Boston.

6. Window's Vista. Because it's annoying and I have to reformat my computer to get rid of it and, I don't know, that sounds like a pain in the ass.

7. The Spin Doctors. Possibly the worst band in history.

I am so bored of this list and I haven't even scratched the surface. On the plus side, If these were the only things that made me unhappy, life would be pretty sweet. So I'll just leave it and pretend that's the case.

What are you going to be for Halloween?

Here We Go

First impressions of complex music are usually pretty useless. Still, wanted to jot down a few notes if only to see how things develop:

01) Album delivered on-time, no downloading glitches
02) No jaw-dropping departures
03) They've been listening to reggae
04) In Rainbows: nothing to do with gay lib
05) Yorke's voice: still wonderful
06) "Faust Arp": they've been listening to Nick Drake
07) Phil Selway (drums): stiff or tasteful?
08) They've been listening to Krautrock (see 7)
09) Guitars: delicate or lifeless?
10) "Videotape": better solo (see clip below)?

More later, I'm afraid.

Just So You Know

1. We are still alive.
2. I doubt Jake is still listening to that same Smog album.

Confirmation on both of these items, Jacob?

A Few Things Jake Can Post About

How to make a piñata
10 of his top favorite things he likes about alice
Gerard Grisey
Steve Malkmus
Lester Bangs
Least favorite band name
His recent trip to California
Thoughts on "To Catch a Predator"
Which headphones he would buy if he was buying headphones?
Hearing loss in people born after 1979
The death penalty
The radio
Drones
Brief history of the 6 day war (حرب الأيام الستةة; מלחמת ששת הימים)
Most annoying piece of music ever
Favorite gay indie rockers
Who likes female musicians?
Favorite bill put before the current 110th U.S. Congress
Short story ideas
The ethics of dairy
Songs about milk
Songs with his name in them

Welcome to the Future

I thought I'd give you a day off from compiling your own list of robot-related news. Here are Google's favorites for today:

Tiny robots communicate with each other via blinking lights
How to make an edible robot out of rice krispie treats
Robot Porn (self-explanatory)
Human robot
Surprise! Robots have no sense of humor
Machine gun toting robots
Daft Punk release robot movie about robots driving cross-country in a Ferrari
Scary rapping Chuck-E-Cheese bots

Tours, Tours

Here's a question. Does anyone else find this as strange as I do? Interpol and Liars at Madison Square Gardens? Maybe it's not so weird, actually (I can flip-flop just like that.) Jake says he doesn't see why Liars and Interpol are placed into the same category. It makes some sort of sense to me. They're both what every 18 year old guy wants to be, right? The guitars are loud. I love guitars. It is said that white people like guitars. You might argue that Liars are more about drums. Well, you're probably right, but do you think they're complaining about playing Madison Square Gardens? Wait, I lost the point.

Jake, you also say you don't get Interpol at all, or why people think they're good. I like them. I think they're good. Maybe not mind-blowing or anything. Not as good as Liars. But they have guitars, remember? And some decent hooks. And they are very good grey day music. I maintain that maybe you are just jealous. Quit reading this stupid blog entry and make some music already, okay?

Another thing: Since when are they on Capitol Records? Didn't they listen to my rant about major labels? I saw Carlos on the subway the other day and he had this big fat expensive watch on. Just you wait, friend. They will suck you dry, and your fancy watch too.

On a related note, you can now start preparing your wallets for the two weeks surrounding my birthday (I left out the Webster Hall shows for the obvious reason that that place makes me unhappy):

Gruff Rhys (Hiro Ballroom 9/21, Union Hall 9/22)
The Lucksmiths (Knitting Factory, 9/28)
Akron/Family (Bowery Ballroom, 9/30)
Mountain Goats (Bowery Ballroom, 10/1; Studio B, 10/2)
Caribou (Bowery Ballroom, 10/6)
Sunset Rubdown (Bowery Ballroom, 10/8 & 10/9)

I'm afraid I'm too lazy to list the dates in other cities. Sorry about that. This is just a list to remind me of what I'm doing in the fall. Kind of like how wish lists on amazon are only to remind you which books you want to check out at the library.

Three Things

First of all: Jake, why didn't you tell us of this rival poop blog? (warning: gross) You link to it with no mention of its toilet talk?

Here is some news: I saw Transformers tonight. Sometimes these things happen without my knowing how. What is not news is that it sucked so horribly. That's right. It was horrible at sucking. It sucked so much that it didn't even know how to suck. (I have clearly taken too many headache pills.) I can't even go into all the reasons it was so bad, but here are a few:

1. Every time someone (robotic-car-person or human) opened his or her mouth I was forced to curl up into a fetal position. In all seriousness. It was very embarrassing.
2. Trying to be an adult version of a kid's toy which begot an 80's cartoon is impossible.
3. I don't care how old a pair of glasses are, complex maps that show up on holographic screens are not imprinted on them because an evil robot alien gazed upon them with his laser eyes.
4. Hoover did not build the Hoover dam.
5. Shameless product placement.
6. Too long.

At least the autobots looked cool when they transformed...

Here is a totally un-funny drawing about headaches:

I guess you shouldn't base your baby's name on how easy it will be to txt it.

Baby names that correspond to places, and their rank on a list of the top 1000 names given to kids born in the U.S. in 2006:

Girls
Savannah (30)
Sydney (34)
Brooklyn (67)
Jordan (97)
Cheyenne (171)
Dakota (191)
Paris (260)
Georgia (273)
Carolina (281)
Aurora (312)
Asia (332)
London (353)
America (458)
Phoenix (816)

Boys
Austin (41)
Jordan (46)
Dakota (172)
Trenton (192)
Zion (266)
Dallas (352)
Orlando (356)
Dayton (540)
Boston (626)
London (638)
Houston (837)
Memphis (923)

Why so many Texan ones, and why does this not surprise me at all? Also, there are more girl place names than boy and I don't really get how you determine the sex of a place name.

The Registry of Births in New Zealand denied the name "4real" recently because they don't accept names beginning with numbers. Do they accept names not beginning with numbers, but including them, I wonder?

What do you think the worst name to give a kid would be (besides Adolf Hitler or Saloth Sar, please)? Humbert Humbert? Poop? Boston??

By the way, Jacob was #1 on the boys list last year and Alice was #383 on the girls.

Fathers, etc.

I thought I'd mention that it's Father's Day on Sunday so those of you who are obligated to put something in the mail will remember to do that today (you know who you are). At the risk of sounding like an ungrateful little brat, however, I think father's day is complete bullshit. I'd like to hear from an actual father on this one, but as far as I can tell these holidays (father's day, mother's day, valentine's day, etc.) just end up making people feel guilty for not appreciating these people everyday and then guilty again for giving some half-assed present (or card) that doesn't really help the situation. Then the father probably just ends up feeling like if he actually was appreciated, he wouldn't be getting such a stupid card.

Am I wrong? Please tell me, holiday-celebraters and fathers.

I got a letter from my own father yesterday. He lives in North Kern State Prison and likes to tell me what it's like. Most of these letters seem to be taken up by numbers. For instance, what time the mail gets picked up (8pm), between which hours is it dropped off (4 - 10pm), how many letters he has gotten in the last certain number of days (13 in 3), how many times he's gotten to shower that week (3), what number he is on the haircut list (12), which letters of mine (specifically) he has received in case some didn't get through, etc.

He's a mathematical guy and likes to make lists of things. Here is one:

"When I woke up this Monday morning I was actually looking forward to the week for the following reasons:

1) We mite get off lockdown
2) I may get mail
3) We may get to trim our fingernails
4) I mite get to go to the store
5) We mite go outside"

All "may's or "mite's." Unclear if that's how he thinks "might" is spelled or if he thinks it's worth leaving off the "gh" to save pencil lead. He tends to write "u" for "you," "ur" for "your," etc. and in tiny block letters (two rows per line) for that reason, but it makes me sort of feel like I'm reading some kid's text messages.

This is my favorite part, though:

"I have a 66 year old white cellmate (since May 9). I hope I keep him as long as possible. We get along very well and have a lot in common. He is a fundamental Christian and has strong ideas about who is going to Hell: gays, everyone with a tattoo, blacks, Mexicans, Muslims, Catholics, etc. Pretty much everyone but him. But we get along fine."

A lot in common?! Plus, imagine being in prison and hating people with tattoos! How does that guy know he's not in hell right now?

Anyway, I've totally lost track as to what this post was supposed to be about.

Appreciate your parents every day even if you don't like them very much because at least you can make fun of them on the internet?
If you insist upon cutting your nails with a nailclipper be happy you don't have to share it with 100 other people?
Mail your father's day cards today?
You decide.

Key Words

Here is Amazon's list of Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIP's) for the book Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace:

annular fusion
medical attaché
entertainment cartridge
improbably deformed
howling fantods
feral hamsters
dawn drills
tough nun
prochain train
professional conversationalist
new bong
ceiling bulged
metro boston
tennis academy
red leather coat
soupe aux pois
red beanie
addicted man
magnetic video
littler kids
little rotter
technical interview
police lock
oral narcotics
sober time

These are all phrases that come up many times within the text so, as you can see, it's a really fun book to read. I look back on those 2 or 3 months with much more nostalgia than they deserve just because I enjoyed reading it so much (working a temp job at an accounting firm in downtown San Jose couldn't have been that great).

The Bottom Line

I am bored and thinking about clichés. I asked Google what the bottom line is, and here are the top ten results:

Betrayal
Online
I don't trust this president and his advisors
Faithfulness
Where you draw it
You have to run fast
It's cute
Sabres should reward loyal fans
U.S. needs a 650000 troop army
All that matters

Just FYI. Totally not newsworthy.