Here is some news: I saw Transformers tonight. Sometimes these things happen without my knowing how. What is not news is that it sucked so horribly. That's right. It was horrible at sucking. It sucked so much that it didn't even know how to suck. (I have clearly taken too many headache pills.) I can't even go into all the reasons it was so bad, but here are a few:
1. Every time someone (robotic-car-person or human) opened his or her mouth I was forced to curl up into a fetal position. In all seriousness. It was very embarrassing.
2. Trying to be an adult version of a kid's toy which begot an 80's cartoon is impossible.
3. I don't care how old a pair of glasses are, complex maps that show up on holographic screens are not imprinted on them because an evil robot alien gazed upon them with his laser eyes.
4. Hoover did not build the Hoover dam.
5. Shameless product placement.
6. Too long.
At least the autobots looked cool when they transformed...
Here is a totally un-funny drawing about headaches:
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